being mom; impossibly & irreplaceably mom

This week I nearly wrote a post titled: 

'Let's have kids': what a misconception!

Because, let's be honest, the woman has kids.
The man is asked to watch them from time to time while mom takes leave, he is thanked when he bathes them, praised when he combs their hair & gets them in pjs without request.  
Typically, I don't bemoan this inequality, rather I embrace it as best for all; thank the man! Praise him for his marvelous deeds! Why not?
If you want him to stop helping, add something like "I haven't gone to the bathroom on my own in 5 years!" or "welcome to my life, babe."

The longer I've been a mom, the more accustomed I've become to the selflessness required of me. Through the exercise of naming the moments that bring joy & jotting them down I enjoy the long days. I have taken ownership of motherhood as my job and pride in investing my abilities to enrich our family life.
But, this week I am feeling every bit of the weight of motherhood.

The post I've been formulating wouldn't have been diplomatic. I would not have added: "Yes, I choose to be a stay-at-home-mom, counting it a privilege in today's economy."
Not this week. I haven't slept through the night in weeks. I'm too raw to be prudent.

It started when the baby came down with a fever 2 weeks ago and currently all three of our kids are sick.

All three kids have gone with me to walk-in clinics and drug stores. I've been stared at, judged, embarrassed and every bit of my patience has been tested.
We've crammed into waiting room bathrooms because an accident would be worse. While consoling a crying infant, correcting an old-enough-to-know-better kid for superfluous foaming soap & pleading with everyone not to touch a bloody thing, our name is called. 
Perhaps I just need someone to be mad at and it can't be the kids, but I think of my husband in these impossible moments.
He would never do this. And if he did, he certainly wouldn't remember to call for a referral beforehand or bring a bottle along. My husband wouldn't have the coupon with him to use at the pharmacy & remember to grab the supplies for the kindergarten project that can be completed while Carter's home sick from school.
...
I had to go to an appointment this morning alone because children aren't welcome for x-rays. Alone. Alone!
Driving home I was drafting this post I'd been creating in my head all week.
But then,
I walked in the house and saw my husband holding the baby while unloading the dishwasher.

In a moment: clarity.


I chucked the ideas for the post & decided my time would be better spent searching for a contest in which to enter him so alas, he can be awarded for his domesticity. He's a certifiable gem.
And in the end, who doesn't love being irreplaceable?

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